I was recently asked: ”What do you think one thing people struggle the most with (when it comes to sex)?” And since it’s not the first time I hear this question, let me answer it here.

I could say that men and women who seek me out for sex coaching struggle a lot with sexual confidence, knowing what exactly to do in the bedroom and feeling comfortable in their skin while doing it. They are unsure about how to please their partners or how to talk openly about their insecurities. They might have a history of premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, they might have low libido or not be able to orgasm.

While the sexual confidence struggle is real, I think the underlying issue is different.

The main problem here is the assumption that sexual prowess should come naturally to us. We have been fed a Hollywood fairy tale “if only you meet that special someone, you would inevitably end up with a hot passionate and mind-blowing sex.”

When you hear that somebody spent hundreds of hours learning and practicing sports, science, art, before they got good at it – it makes sense. Why then when it comes to sex and relationships we assume that we should automatically be good at it. Just the fact that you have a great tennis racket doesn’t mean you gonna be great at tennis. You might have the best partner in the world and can still suck in bed. And it’s ok. We all started there.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game!

And just about every message you see about sex and relationships from pop culture and media prepares you to lose.

So, to answer the question, I think one thing people struggle the most with in sex is recognizing that it takes time, practice and patient kind partners to be good at it. It also takes good sex education that most of us never got: be it books, video tutorials, sex coaches, or sex therapists.

Get on top of it, people 😉 There is a lot of great sex to be had!

p.s. Have questions of your own? Feel free to email me at sfsexcoaching[at]gmail.com and I might cover it in one of the future posts.