Ask a sex coach

“I would love some tips on how I can bring my multiple orgasms back. I used to be able to have them easily, but since I turned 40, they just fizzled out. Not much else changed in my life. Sex still feels good, I’m even able to squirt just nothing to get me over the hump, so to speak.” – Stella

Dear Stella,
It sounds frustrating not to be able to have multiple orgasms effortlessly, the way it used to be! It is quite common, though, with age, to experience reduced sensitivity and blood flow to the clitoris and vagina. As a result, for some women, both arousal and orgasms may take longer. For some others, it might mean not being able to have multiple orgasms.

Here are some ways to increase blood circulation and your orgasmic capacity:

  • Exercise. Regular exercise strengthens your heart and helps it to become more efficient at pumping blood throughout your body.

  • Breath. A rapid, shallow breath prepares us to “fight or flight.” It is our nervous system’s survival strategy to decrease physical or emotional sensations and help us focus on external threats. What it means in our context is that more shallow your breathing is – harder it will be to get fully aroused and, as a result, harder it will be to orgasm.

    More relaxed we are – easier it would be to climax. Deep breathing is one of the simplest ways to help your nervous system relax.

    Breathe deeply into your abdomen (not just your chest) and allow your belly to soften and expand on an inhale and deflate on an exhale. Deep breathing with your mouth open will also amplify your sensitivity and arousal: a great thing to try during sex.

  • Spend more time on a ‘warm-up.’ Make sure to spend at least 45min to warm up. Massage your genitals to increase blood flow and sensitivity. Avoid direct clitoral stimulation right away; see if you can tease yourself, amplifying, and reducing the intensity of stimulation. You can do it on your own, before partnered sex. Often, it’s easier to focus and indulge in your pleasure 100% without your partner in the room.

  • Stay hydrated. Dehydration can impact female sexual response. Being well hydrated is essential both for vaginal lubrication and better blood flow.

  • Use fantasy. Picturing a scene that is especially hot for you can help you get “over the hump.”

  • Use your voice. Don’t be afraid to make a sound. Whether you are moaning, groaning, or screaming, any noise will help you further connect to your body and create more arousal.

  • Avoid booze. Keep in mind that alcohol can make it hard for women to orgasm.