While it is natural to assume that your partner cheated because you were “not enough” or they don’t give a shit about your relationship, there are so many reasons for it that have nothing to do with you.
A famous psychotherapist Esther Perel, who closely researched infidelity, pointed out that often people cheat not because they are tired of their partner but because they are tired of themselves.
They might have cheated:
– in search for freedom (due to feeling trapped)
– as a way to fight the fear of losing themselves and their individuality in a relationship (becoming completely enmeshed)
– out of a need to rebel or feel naughty
– to feel alive & excited in a way that only new relationship energy can make you feel
– to explore a different part of themselves
– to shake things up, feeling stuck in a rut, etc.
Do I condone their behavior? Absolutely not. If they repetitively lying, taking advantage of your trust and commitment, the best thing you can do is to leave.
If, however, your partner has a clean record of treating you well and now has every intention to do what it takes to repair, gaining a better understanding of their motives will help you feel more empathy towards their actions.
p.s. If you suspect your partner is cheating but not entirely sure about it, check out this article that talks at length about it.
