Sex, just like playing an instrument, is a learned skill. So, what does it take to become a virtuoso lover?
It starts with learning how to tune, care for, and play your own instrument, or your body. Both physical and emotional.
It starts with:
- understanding your sexual anatomy,
- what is exciting and pleasurable,
- what makes you aroused,
- what shuts you down immediately,
- what are you fully “YES” to,
- what are you a hard “NO” to and how to communicate it,
- what kind of environment you need to feel relaxed and present,
- what distracts you,
- what helps you to stay connected to your pleasure,
- how to tell your partner what you need for an enjoyable connected experience…
We generally accept that to become better at anything one has to put some energy, time, resources into it.
You don’t just pick up a guitar one day and blow everyone’s mind with your music.
You might look for videos, teachers, books, you’ll have to practice on a regular.
Moreso, you will have to be patient and accept that getting better will take time.
I’m sure it’s obvious to you, in this example, that getting a better instrument is unlikely to make you a better musician. At least, not at the beginning.
But this is exactly what so many people do when it comes to sex & relationships.
When sex is not pleasurable and makes you feel more disconnected, it is really tempting to attribute it to your partner. It is tempting to look for somebody who is more compatible and more exciting to be with.
By doing it, however, you might end up jumping from one unsatisfying relationship to another.
If you want to grow, if you want to become a virtuoso lover, master your sexuality. It is a much more empowered approach than relying on others to make you happy and satisfied.